Not the original poster - credit goes to u/ThrowRA_falling232
Background Story
My partner and I got married 7 years back. His twin siblings (both in their mid-twenties now) have developmental delays from childhood trauma. They function at about a middle school level mentally and have fragile health conditions. While they can handle basic tasks like eating and using the bathroom, they need help with stairs, cooking, and daily supervision. I knew about their situation when we were dating, but they lived in a care facility with professional staff.
The Problem
Several months ago, their care team got dismissed suddenly. My husband decided to move them into our house with new caregivers. He barely gave me any warning or asked for my input. Our home filled up with medical staff who were there constantly. We lost all our privacy and alone time. Since he works as a physician with crazy hours, we barely see each other anymore.
We had been planning to start our family soon. Everything felt perfect between us and we were ready for kids. Now everything feels chaotic and I don’t know what to think. It’s like mourning the future we planned together. I feel powerless and hurt that he just changed our whole life without including me in the decision.
When we talked about it, divorce seemed like the only option. But I still love him deeply and want to save our marriage if possible. His parents abandoned the family years ago (I never met them) so he’s been their guardian since he was young.
Update After Our Talk
We had an honest conversation when he got time off work. He apologized for not consulting me and explained he was in crisis mode trying to protect them. Then he told me something that was hard to hear but I needed to know. He said that while he loves me completely, his siblings come first in his life. They depend on him like small children depend on their parents.
I realized I hadn’t been supportive enough when he was dealing with trauma memories from their childhood abuse. His parents’ neglect caused their developmental issues, and he basically raised them himself. They’re very bonded to him like kids with their dad.
We agreed to wait a few years before deciding about having our own children. He also set up private spaces in the house just for me where staff can’t go. I decided to try making this new situation work instead of giving up on our marriage.
Two Years Later - My Truth About Motherhood
I always went back and forth about wanting kids. Sometimes I was sure I wanted them, other times I felt uncertain. When I saw other women becoming mothers, it looked exciting and meaningful. But I could never figure out why I wasn’t completely sure about it myself.
After the twins moved in, I started spending time with them gradually. We’d eat breakfast together, work on puzzles, and walk in the garden. They’d tell me about their favorite things and how much they love their brother (who is really like their father). Something unexpected happened - I began caring about them in a motherly way.
I got involved with disability rights groups and child welfare organizations. We have the resources to actually make a difference, which gives me purpose. I’m even writing children’s books now, which the twins really enjoy. My therapist asked me an important question: “Do you actually want children, or are you looking for meaning in your life?”
Now I don’t think I want biological children at all. Taking care of the twins (even though they have professional caregivers) and working on causes I care about feels fulfilling. My husband and I grew closer through our shared love for them. Our marriage is stronger than ever.
Some people might think this situation is weird or that I got manipulated somehow. But I’m genuinely happy with how things turned out. Motherhood and love come in many different forms. I found my purpose without going through pregnancy, birth, or raising babies from scratch.
I just want to be with my husband, help care for the twins, and keep building this life we have together.